Putting Hair Loss Into Perspective

I began losing my hair at age 16, and spent most of the following years crying, raging and being in denial about my hair loss.  After searching unsuccessfully for decades to find the answer, and being misdiagnosed by several doctors, I finally found one who diagnosed me correctly.  I was 35 when the doctor said I had inherited the female version of male pattern baldness (from my father). “But,” he said with a grin, “at least you know it isn’t life threatening.”  I was devastated.   Having hereditary thinning was, to me at least, quality-of-life-threatening.

Several years later, I finally put aside the emotional issues related to my Alopecia.  This came about when, as a hair replacement consultant, I consulted with breast cancer patients, who told me that losing their breast was not such a big deal, but losing their hair to the chemotherapy treatments was devastating.  This was an enlightening experience for me.  For one thing it validated how traumatic hair loss is, and helped me realize that being devastated about your hair loss is perfectly normal.  After years of being told that I was being vain and shallow for crying about my hair, these women helped me feel vindicated for the anguish my hair had caused me.   Getting rid of the guilt helped me to start feeling ‘whole’ again. 

These women with breast cancer also helped me put my hair loss into perspective.  All I was dealing with was hair loss; not cancer, not chemotherapy treatments, not a potential mastectomy.  Just hair loss.  

To anyone who is having trouble accepting what is happening to their hair, I say, embrace the strength you have within.  Appreciate how far you’ve come.  Don’t expect to feel absolutely fine about your appearance every day.  We all have our good days and our bad days.  It takes a very special person to continue being positive and  functional  under the circumstances that we, who have Alopecia, find ourselves in on a daily basis.

I believe we should all allow ourselves to grieve for our hair.  Tell yourself it is okay to cry.  Hair is a body part, and that body part is missing.  It’s natural to feel some anger, frustration or disappointment that your hair is gone; that your appearance has been altered.  You may be constantly hiding your feelings and pretending to the world that all is well, but inside, you need to allow the grief to happen, let it have a voice.   Then, find a word to trigger your determination to not let your Alopecia get the best of you.  (My word was “Resist”)  Say to yourself, “Some day soon, I am going to get tired of the tears, and start making progress toward acceptance of this condition.”  Let it become your mantra.  Sooner than you know, you may get to the point where you can put your own Alopecia into perspective.